You've Been Asleep for a Hundred Seconds

Monday, August 30, 2004

Watching the VMAs

One should never watch an awards show alone. You could probably watch the Oscars alone since that the winners of that awards show have some actual meaning. The only point of watching awards shows is so you can make catty comments to the other people in the room about what is on the screen. Thank god Headstart watched them with me. It was even her idea. Here are some random comments and ramblings about the MTV VMAs (Video Music Awards).

Will Smith is irrevocably lame. Has he ever seemed cool to anyone older than age 13? Has there ever been a man that is supposed to be cool yet was completely lacking of edge?

Damn Shaq, looked ripped! The Lakers are so going to regret trading him. I mean wow! I may have to wager some money on the Heat to win it all this year.

What in god's name was John Stewart doing involved with this clusterfuck? I mean are 14 y/o supposed to dig his say hi to my Jewish grandmother in Miami jokes? Eeech!

Beyonce looked like she's going for some Farrah Fawcett/Pam Anderson thing. Bad Idea! That hair yikes! Although the look doesn't look as bad when she is standing next to Jay-Z. It makes it a sort of a pimp and ho couple thing.

Just how high were the guys in Hoobastank when then they decides that would a totally awesome name?

Kanye West's performance was really cool. Hip Hop often seems underwhelming live but Kanye really pulled it off. At least until Chaka Khan showed up! Truly awful out of key singing. I wonder what she was on. My money's on Quaaludes or horse tranquilizers.

I can understand why Franz Ferdinand and Modest Mouse are MTV2 acts but why is Yellowcard an MTV2 act? I thought Green Day rip-off bands were under the purview of regular MTV. No big surprise that Yellowcard one the MTV2 awards since they were the only nominee present. It's almost a slam dunk that the artist that is the auditorium will win the award. They were frighteningly excited to win their VMA. You'd think they just met Billy Joe Armstrong or something. I think the lead singer had tears in his eyes.

That Gap ad, I think it’s a gap ad, with Sarah Jessica Parker and Lenny Kravitz is really annoying. I don't understand the appeal of either of those people. SJP would likely be considered attractive if she was just some girl in your office but world class beauty? No Way! Maybe I’m still pissed at her because of when Carrie so cruelly begged to get back in Aidan's life after she cheated on him and then proceeded to dump him and walk out on their engagement. Grrrr. And Lenny Kravitz's appeal has always escaped me. He's a nice looking guys an all but his music is so boring and drab. Every time this ad was on we flipped over to Fuse and watched Outcast videos.

The whole Kerry daughters and Bush daughters thing was a disaster. The audience was booing the whole time. The Kerry sisters came off as toney and bitchy. The Bush twins were really icky looking, especially Barbara who looks way to much like her father, but made the right call in appearing on tape and didn't come off as pissy.

Eva Mendes looked awful. She looke like she had just woken up from a coke stupor and rushed out fo her hotel room in last nights clothes and only managed to fix her hair up in the convertibale on the way over.

It's official I do not get Crunk. I feel like my grandfather. That's music? And why did that keep showing Bruce Willis dancing with P. Diddy? That scared me.

Outkast's show closing performance was stellar as usually but its really to bad there isn't a Public Enemy around these days that has truly political songs to match the Political pageantry. As good as it was to see all the convention-esque Vote Now signs, it was undermined by the fact that it was accompanied by "Hey Ya" and "I Love the Way You Move” neither of which are the next "Fight the Power".

Finally, I’m confused. I am I supposed to Vote or Die? Or is it Declare Yourself? Rock the Vote? Choose or Loose? Come celebrities get it together!


At 8/30/2004 5:03 PM, Blogger sprizee said...

I love this J-Dog. Decidedly awesome.

(And I didn't even watch the stupid VMAs.)

At 8/30/2004 9:06 PM, Blogger Headstart For Happiness said...

Ditto, awesome post! Reading this post was almost as fun as watching the VMAs with you. But let's not forget the part where at every commercial, you kept switching to your NBA station so that you could show me the "awesome" 80s-era ads running during the 80s-era games they were showing. And then we'd only find some 80s basketball game on. Man, those 80s ads must be good for you to keep trying to show them to me.

Also, new revelation: Kanye West is a handsome dude. But the Bush and Kerry daughters are the vibrant memory I will have of the awards show. The Bush sisters were gross, but I prefer gross to the stick-in-the-butt/snobby posh vibe that the Kerry sisters gave off. The brown-haired Kerry sister was even shushing the crowd when the crowd wasn't as quiet as it maybe should have been. And they had gross New England accents -- not even Boston gross, but tony "I went to boarding school" gross. Disastrous.

At 8/31/2004 11:53 AM, Blogger sprizee said...

Oh man. Now I gotta watch the VMAs. Gotta.


At 8/31/2004 1:19 PM, Blogger Headstart For Happiness said...

I saw a story on the Today Show saying that The Gap has not done well the past few years so it is going back to basics. Finally! Also, they were talking about how slogans like "Everyone in denim" actually alienates people, b/c people don't want to do what everybody is doing.


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