Worst Movie Ever?

Nerd Confession

I had a great time watching the Oscars at my place on Sunday with Jeanine, Misty, and Nick, but during the red carpet pre-show stuff I reached a new low of nerdom. There was some one wearing a Kimino in the background which cause some one to ask "who is that?". Now you couldn't see this persons whole face but you could see their jaw. I instantly blurted out "Oh, that's George Takei!" And not a second later the screen revealed that it was indeed George Takei, of Star Trek fame. Which caused a profound wave of embarassment to wash over me. I then looked up and saw a my evil-bearded Spock action figure on the window sill and I died a little inside.

On the subject of George Takei this is some funny stuff:

Battle Beasts

I have long held that the most compelling television show ever would be if Animal Planet could throw out all their ethics and start a show pitting different types of animals in a fight to the death. It would be completely wrong and evil but just imagine: lion vs. tiger, tabby vs. chihuahua, toucan vs. parrot, cougar vs. wolf, eagle vs. leopard; cockroach vs. dung beetle, or two roosters vs. a single turkey. I'd hate myself for it but I'd be glued to the set for every episode; especially that rooster-turkey show down.

I was reminded of this idea by the upcoming Bears-Colts Super Bowl match up. Now an actual show down between a colt and a grizzly bear would be awesome. Would the young horse speed and kicking power overcome the grizzly's strength and agressiveness? I think it all depends on the size of the arena. The colt wins if it has room to run, but the bear takes it easily if its a fight in small quarters.

While not nearly as exciting as the real deal the videos on Bear vs. Colt are a welcome substitute. I'm rooting for Bear because Colt comes off as a total ass.

In the actual game I'm rather conflicted about who to root for as I have strong strain of hatred for both Peyton Mannning and Rex Grossman. Peyton has annoyed me for years with is goofy slack-jawed expression, lack of clutch play, over played TV ads, and the constant references to his brother and father. But at least Peyton is a great player, Rex is a mediocre Quarterback at best and comes of as a spoiled dumb frat boy that you wouldn't want to leave alone with your sister. So i think I have to root for the Colts, but thats a weak endoresment at best.

But who do I think will win? On paper I think the Colts, but he recent death of Barbaro has me wondering if this is going to be a bad week for colts all around or if the Indianapolis Colts will be inspired to avenge his death.

Screw it. Rex Grossman sucks. The Colts will win and cover

Dream Ticket

The 2008 Presidential race is already in full swing two years out, which is rather weird as things didn't really get going last time until the summer of 2003.

Regardless of who wins, Republican or Democrat, the next president will be an improvement over the current guy. As a Democrat there are a lot of good choices and thankfully John "Frankenstein" Kerry is not running. I'm frankly embarrassed i supported the guy and sadly I can't say I wish he had won in 2004.

Barak Obama and Hilary Clinton are the superstars but both have their flaws. Obama is a dymanic and charismatic guy and he's great on on all the issues. He smokes which makes him strangely cool in my eyes. But Obama is short on experience especially in the international realm. Hilary Clinton is pretty impressive but she's a little too cold and calculating and I never quite she believes what she's saying. Plus i've had enough of dynastic politics with the Bushes and I fear President Hilary would result in a future presidential race between Chelsea Clinton and George P. Bush ends up causing a fratricidal civil war in the streets.

My dream ticket would be John Edwards and Bill Richardson. Edwards was my first choice last time and I think he is even more qualified and ready to win this time around. Edwards is likable, progressive, populist, southern, and this time he seems generally more serious and won't just be Mr. Nice Guy. I think Edwards can win and be a great president, but his only short coming is foreign policy and that's where Bill Richardson comes in. Richardson is the very popular Governor of New Mexico, a state won by Bush in 2004 and Gore in 2000, and was a leader on foreign policy in the House and served as Bill Clinton's Ambassador to the United Nations. Plus he's Hispanic! Richardson balances Edwards weaknesses.

Edwards/Richardson in '08!

Top Albums of 2006

Lots of great music last year! Full reviews of the top ten to come later.

My Top Ten:
1. Jarvis Cocker - Jarvis
2. Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus 3 - Olé! Tarantula
3. The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
4. The Mountain Goats - Get Lonely
5. Belle & Sebastian - The Life Pursuit
6. Cat Power - The Greatest
7. Camera Obscura - Let's Get Out Of This Country
8. Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - Ballad Of Broken Seas
9. Robert Pollard - From A Compound Eye
10. The Essex Green - Cannibal Sea

The Runners Up:
11. The Pernice Brothers - Live a Little
12. TV On The Radio - Return To Cookie Mountain
13. The Minus 5 - The Minus 5 (The Gun Album)
14. Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Broom
15. Elvis Costello & Allen Toussaint - The River in Reverse
16. Lily Allen - Alright, Still
17. The Dresden Dolls - Yes, Virginia
18. The Pipettes - We Are The Pipettes
19. Frank Black - Fast Man Raider Man
20. The Long Winters - Putting The Days To Bed

Honnorable Mentions:
The Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Jon Auer - Songs From The Year Of Our Demise
Badly Drawn Boy Born In The U.K.
Beck - The Information
Dan Bern - Breathe
Bonnie "Prince" Billy - The Letting Go
Built to Spill - You In Reverse
Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings The Flood
Lloyd Cole - Antidepressant
Graham Coxon - Love Travels At Illegal Speeds
Destroyer - Rubies
Bob Dylan - Modern Times
Elf Power - Back to the Web
The Futureheads - News & Tributes
Ghostface Killah - Fishscale
Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere
Gomez - How We Operate
Grandaddy - Just Like The Fambly Cat
The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls In America
John Legend - Once Again
Jenny Lewis - Rabbit Fur Coat
Loose Fur - Born Again In The USA
Morrissey - Ringleader Of The Tormentors
Joanna Newsom - Ys
Grant Lee Phillips - Nineteeneighties
Robert Pollard - Normal Happiness
Puffy AmiYumi - Splurge
Paul Simon - Surprise
Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds
Yo La Tengo - I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass

Ray

I saw Ray Davies at the Moore tonight. I was surprisingly psyched for this show and was listening to the Kinks all day in preparation I was hoping he'd do a wide variety of Kinks stuff and only a limited about of his new album. Unfortunately He mostly did a combination of the Kinks oldies radio rotation and way way to many of his mediocre new songs. He even managed to flub "You Really Got Me" by including an accordion in the arrangement. Sorry Ray, accordions should only be included on polkas and songs from weirdos like Tom Waits and They Might Be Giants not on classic rock tunes. But Ray saved the evening from being a mild thumbs down to make it a mild thumbs up by closing with 1979's "Low Budget".

Silence of the Lambs Musical

Holy crap! Someone has gone recorded songs for a Silence of the Lambs musical. Its called fittingly Silence! Songs include "# If I Could Smell Her...", "Are You About a Size 14?", and of course "Put the Fucking Lotion in the Basket" Read more and download the tracks here.

Library Horror

I promise this blog is not going to become just as series of YouTube posts but this was too funny to not share. It's a ridiculous stry reported in a ridiculous mannner. At first I wasn't sure if this was for real or some sort of brilliant comedy sketch. The very end is the best part. And as always bad mustaches are very funny.

Update YouTube's version is down but you can watch it here.

Heat Vision and Jack

Another legendary lost pilot. This one is from Ben Stiller and stars Jack Black has an astronaut named Jack and Owen Wilson as the voice of his motorcycle, Heat Vision. It is even more awesome than it sounds. My favorite part is Ron Silver the villian.

Lookwell

I have wanted to see this pilot for at least 6 or 7 years. I think i first saw a clip for it on an A&E Biography of Conan O'Brien. Now thanks to the wonder of the internet here is Conan O'Brien and Robert Smigel's 1991 lost pilot Lookwell starring Adam West. Look for In the Bedroom director Todd Field as Jason.

Def Leprechaun Bring The Rock!

For the first time in my drinking life I went out on St. Patrick's Day. As rule I always try to avoid drinking holidays with the exception of New Year's, but so-called holiday's like St. Paddy's, Mardi Gras, and Cinco De Mayo are a no-go for me. But this year I was drawn out of my boycott by the specter of a band called cover band called Def Leprechaun playing at the Sunset Tavern mere blocks from my Ballard home. Would this mean a tiny Joe Elliott impersonator? One could only hope!

I was joined by my friend and former co-worker Layne. Layne is a legitimate metal fan not a trader in metal nostalgia like myself. The first album Layne ever purchased was Def Leppard's Pyromania, while my first album was either Lionel Richie's All Night Long or Wang Chung's Mosaic. The man knows his metal.

It was weird being out on such a busy night. There were a lot more people on the street. All the bars on Ballard Ave were packed and there were a lot of people completely blotto at 9PM. "Amateur night" indeed!

The show itself was pretty close to awesome. Layne and I both expected Def Leprechaun to be dodgy at best. And I was well prepared to suggest getting drinks elsewhere a few songs if they sucked. But they started off with a double shot of Loverboy with "Working For the Weekend" and "The Kid is Hot Tonite" back-to-back I knew we'd be staying.

There were no little people in the band which was good because the Sunset has a very low stage; just guys in silly wigs and fake beards. The Loverboy double shot was followed by some great songs by the likes of Journey, Cheap Trick ("Surrender"!), Styx, The Cure, Night Ranger, Kiss, and of course Def Leppard ("High & Dry" and a surprisingly awesome version of "Pour Some Sugar On Me").

Towards the end of the set a few Seattle Fireman started roaming around to make sure everything up to stuff and not overcrowded. The Firemen were clearly digging the set and waited until the end to leave. They closed with a back to back Van Halen tunes "Jump" and "Panama". I left totally impressed with the band. They played together pretty tightly and had some real chops; not the amateur stuff I was expecting. They rocked Ballard hard tonight.

Top Ten Films of 2005

1. Me and You and Everyone We Know - Strange, weird and totally affecting. I knew I'd probably like this but I waited until DVD because it seemed too serious. But to my surprise this movie was totally serious and really funny. Weird funny but still funny. Surreal, real, and sweet all at the same time.

2. Where the Truth Lies - I'm always a sucker for Atom Egoyan. This movie rather blindsided me since the concept is rather hokey: Kevin Bacon and Colin Firth as Martin and Lewis stand-ins involved in murder that ruined their careers and all based a pulpy mystery novel by Rupert "The Pina Colada Song" Holmes. But it works flawlessly.

3. The Squid and The Whale - Divorce in the 1980s, fuck yeah! I have rarely seen a truer or darkly funny film about things I experienced as a child and worst of it made me relive the shame of past as a teenage intellectual. Billy Baldwin almost steals the show as Ivan.

4. Munich - My favorite critic Jeffrey Wells let me down on this one he poo-poo'ed it and I kind of avoid it. Thanks to the Geekdrome podcast and Headstart's enthusiasm I finally saw it this weekend. Powerful stuff.

5. A History of Violence - Cronenberg! Straight forward and Sci-Fi free but still totally Cronenberg. You'll never stink of stairwell sex the same again.

6. In Her Shoes - I love this chick flick unashamedly. This is one of those Ohana movies for me. Toni Collete was robbed of an Oscar!!

7. Brokeback Mountain - Worst Oscars ever! Crash had no business winning let alone being nominated. Brokeback was all it promised and more.

8. Broken Flowers - Jim Jarmusch and Bill Murray apologize for that Cigarettes & Coffee mistake with this bit of understated brilliance.

9. King Kong - This movie should have been a disaster but instead its best thing Peter Jackson has done since Heavenly Creatures.

10. Layer Cake - Daniel Craig is going to be an awesome Bond.

Kneel Before Zod in 2008!

Finally a candidate I can support! Check out Zod's site and contribute now!

They Stole My Joke!

A few months ago I joked to Misty that song "The Mariner's Revenge Song" off of the latest Decemberists album was secretly about Alvin Davis and Harold Reynolds. Now the guys over at the U.S.S. Mariner blog have posted alternative lyrics that make the song about the worlds most frustrating baseball team. Ladies and gentlemen, "The Mariners' Revenge Song".

Happy Holidays!

Merry Chirstmakwanzayulasaturnaliakkuh to all.

Melly Mel

Thought Mel Gibson went over the edge with his Jesus movie? Well, this a frame from the trailer to his new movie Apocalypto, which is about the Mayans. Amybe Jesus will appear Mormon style! Funny dude or addled religious nut? You decide!

Potteriana

I caught the new Potter flick on opening weekend. Solid flick definitely better than the first two movies but not as good as the third. My old friend Nick how ever had a much more passionate reaction and here it is:

I liked it considering the amount of things that go on in the book and that they need to make it fit into a couple hours of screen time. Still, I wish they would have just made it a 5 hour long movie and put in the first half of the book. I did feel cheated on not having any World Cup scenes. (BTW, did you ever see the Daily Show's report some years ago from Harry Potter camp where the kids essentially played Ultimate Frisbee while holding brooms between their legs...).

The pace was really quite fast and I'm not sure if someone hasn't read the books if they will really catch on to what is going on. For instance, the whole gilliweed (sp?) exchange with Snape misses something without the Dobbie/House Elf sub-plot, though they try (and fail) to infer that Moody made it happen. I also think the SPEW thing is important to the Hermione character development (not least because I was once an idealistic laborista-type myself...). I do think that the Dobbie aversion might be to some sort of Jar Jar Effect, but the house elves are cool and fit the spirit
of the story, whereas Jamaicans in Space do not...This also tells me that that part of the story will not be carried forward at all in Book 7.

The only thing that grates on me every time I see this movie (my 6th viewing will be on Thursday--its only like $3 here), I am developing a strong aversion to the current Dumbledore. He moves too fast. I like the All-Knowing, Metered Albus of the first two (Richard...whatshisname...). In fact, I think even Richard's dead corpse would be better than the current one. He's too cartoonish and the scripts make him too obtusely sage-like rather than the behind the scenes mover and shaker that he is until the end of Half Blood. I was appalled at him rushing at Harry and almost tackling him after his name was drawn and they convene down in the dungeon. Ahkh! The best contrast is how the two Dumbledores handle candy be it the Everyflavor Beans in the first or the Licorice Snaps in the current one. Acting, acting, acting...

The one major flaw in the screenplay though is the disemboweling of the whole Crouch and Crouch dynamic. It was murdered. The whole denial of having done anything at the Wizengamot is the crux of that story and they just had him do the admission (and weird tongue flick) once he was caught in the pensieve recollection. I think that could have been written into the screenplay without adding any additional scenes or taking up any more time.

I did wish there was more character development with the Champions, though I did get all choked up when Cedric bit it (especially when Harry's clinging to him once they get back to Hoggies). Of course its always easy to feel empathy for good looking people...Fleur was a little one dimensional and should have been waaaaay more French. Instead of the formidable woman that she is portrayed as in the books, she comes off as the standard heroine in distress. I couldn't get enough Diggory and Krum and that's the theme of my main dissatisfaction with the film. NOT ENOUGH. MORE, MORE, MORE. It wasn't so much the omissions, but the aversion to straying from only Harry's story. I sort of feel they did a Rita Skeeter on the book.

Also, you just can't have enough Rickman and I know that in the 6th installment it will be all Severus, all the time, but still...

The twins were great, but again, it would have been nice to have the Pearcy sub-plot and the foreshadowing of the weak character of Cornelius Fudge. After all, he's not just a silly, weak politician, but duplicitous and that comes to light in Phoenix and this would be a good set up. Shades of Bill Bennett... :)

Alas, not enough Sirius, but I can see that being made up for in Phoenix so as to get maximum tears. If I got all sniffly over Cedric, I'll be a basket case when Sirius goes through the looking glass (although, I'm absolutely jones'd about his evil cousin--but that's partly because she's such a good character when Jim Dale reads her on the audio versions).

Still, I'm glad they didn't change any of the themes or alter any of the storylines in fundamental ways that would have diverged from the book. Although, the Myrtle scene was a bit overdone and I hope it doesn't portend them mangling the Luna storyline in the next installment.

I liked the way they did Moody, but (like Lupin in Azkaban) he wasn't anything like I was expecting, but I liked the way they rendered both of them.

And now here's my geek hang up: Bulgaria's colors are NOT RED & BLACK. I understand why they did what they did, but its like in Dune where they screwed up the coloration of the Houses and instead opt for the standard Hollywood color wheel (red = bad, [insert a McCarthy joke of your choosing here]...). If British Pinewood wanted to be considered more than just a shadow of American cinema, they should challenge these cinematic stereotypes...okay, I'm done geeking out. Putting jam on my nose...

I will end my ramblings on the whole ball/love subplot which I thought was done superbly. I really do like how Daniel, Rupert, and Emma deliver all their lines through out the movies. They just so good at being these characters. "It will never wooo-ork." sings Granger to Fred & George as they enter with their aging potions or Radcliffe's "How could anyone figure that out, Ron," after Grint goes through the complicated way in which he really did tell Harry about the dragons.

Woo! Now that was a rant! Although I must completely disagree with nick about the whole Harris/Gambon Dumbledore debate. Harris was too comatose to be the Dubledore of the books!

Released

Recently for the second day in a row, I overheard a co-worker weep uncontrollably and appear to have nervous breakdown of sorts. The first time, I wasn't sure what to do. I was the only one else left in the office, so I figured I'd leave this person to their solitude. But the next the sobbing became a total freak out/argument in the middle of the day, all while I was working with other co-workers to try to solve a rather tricky problem. Eventually we are all a little rattled by the goings on nearby that we postpone resolving the problem for a time and retreated to our individual headphones and more mundane tasks. When I fired up my iPod I was greeted by a fantastic Jeff Tweedy cover of Bob Dylan's "I Shall Be Released" which immediately soothed my jagged nerves. Gob Bless you Jeff and Bob for returning me to normality.