Not Cheating

I am sick of all these baseball writers whining about steroids. “It’s cheating!” Bullshit. The fact that people talk seriously about whether or not people like Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire should have asterisks put on their record home run seasons is just asinine. If they were found to have used corked backs or juiced up balls that would be different. That is changing the objective rules of the game in which all players are expected to compete on a level playing field playing field with only themselves and their skills to measure who is better. Steroids are no different than lifting weights, working out, and other things players do to prepare their bodies to perform.

But steroids make it an unlevel playing field right? Again that’s bullshit. Players like Tony Gwynn and Ichiro clearly don’t use steroids but they obviously have unfair advantage over the Felix Fermins of the world. As Dan Bern Says in his brilliant song “73”, if you are going to run Barry out for the game for steroids then you have “burn all the poems by poets who took lithium as boys”. (You can download this gem here.)

Elective surgeries that enhance players’ skills. I’d long known about pitchers getting Tommy John elbow surgeries that they probably did not need and becoming better pitchers than they ever were before because of the extra kick the surgery gives to their pitches. But I was completely unaware how widespread LASIK eye surgery has become in sports, until I read this article on Slate. Tiger woods had LASIK to get 20/15 vision? Mark McGwire wore contacts that gave him 20/10 vision? None of this is considered cheating but steroids is? Bullshit.

Steroids isn’t cheating. LASIK isn’t cheating. Tommy John style robo-elbows isn’t cheating. No, gambling is on baseball is cheating. Throwing a game is cheating. Corking your bat is cheating.

But what do I know? I don’t think Barry Bond is an asshole. In fact he’s been my favorite player for almost 20 years.